Sidekick Services Now Available at Competitive Rates

We’ve all noticed that many top Hollywood-type stars have sidekicks.
And yet, it’s amazing to me that here in the 21st century, there are still literally dozens of A-listers who wander the streets alone, no shoulder to cry on, no raised hand to high-five. For example: Carrot Top.
I think I’d make a pretty darned good sidekick, and I’d like to take this opportunity to offer my sidekick services at a very reasonable to-be-determined-I’m-sure-we-can-work-something-out price.
Some of the reasons I think I’d make a good sidekick:
1. I have a firm yet unintimidating handshake.
2. I have complete faith in your talent, and I’m prepared to put that in writing.
3. My best side isn’t my right side or my left side, but rather a sort of isometric view — picture me respectfully angled toward you, while you face the cameras. Hunh? Hunh? Nice, hunh?….
Interested top Hollywood-type stars, please contact me at: vortex@mediajunkie.com. And of course, if you’re too busy and would like me to contact me for you, that would be fine too.