My Blog

Blog

  • Common Sense Rules for Business: “I’ll have the number one!”

    Whatever your business, consider organizing what you sell into groups of three products, and giving each group a number. For example, if you run a coffee shop, one group could be “a machiatto, a ginger cookie, and a kale salad.” Another group could be “a soft boiled egg and two single-espressos.” You get the idea.

    That way, when a customer walks in, they can say “I’ll have the number one!” People love to say that phrase. Just look at how well McDonald’s has done!

    Now sit back and watch the money roll in.

  • Excited!

    The fellow at the table next to me is excited about getting on a panel with someone who’s a “super high-ranking hardcore anarchist vegan.” I didn’t know they ranked that kind of thing. Cool.

  • For Tundra Wolves

    For Tundra Wolves
    to be to dogs
    as lions are to cats, Tundra Wolves
    which can already grow up to 7 feet long
    would need to be 11.76 times
    larger than they actually are
    and weigh 1,460 pounds.
    1,460 pounds of Tundra Wolf.
    Do you see what I’m saying?

  • Verner Ist Ein Fahmer

    “Verner ist lonely in every part of his body” in this stirring trailer for an even more stirring film from extremely stirring 1920s German auteur/filmmaker/farmer Edelgard von Schinkenliebhaber.
    Prepare to get stirred!

    (Written and filmed by The Whittlers — East Bay cohorts in mini-movie mania.)

  • Berries

    The guy next to me
at this breakfast joint
just said to his date
in a Jack Nicholson voice
that I think is really the way this guy talks
    "looks to me like you're not a fan of berries." 
    If he sees what
I'm typing
I'm a dead man.

  • Is it worse

    to be brought somewhere
    for some larger
    purpose
    or to be
    brought somewhere
    for some larger porpoise?
    Or,
    what if the larger purpose
    was to serve a smaller porpoise?
    What then?

  • 2013: The Movie

    Here’s the trailer for an exciting new thriller. 10% more thrilling than 2012, by volume….. Tell your friends and hide your neighbors: 2013 is nigh!

  • milestone

    My daughter finally reached the age where she slept in so long on a Saturday, I teased her with the old “oh wow, I forgot I had a second child” bit. Much more importantly, I finally reached the age where I amused myself by delivering said tease. Woohoo!

  • Outrageous

    overalls are rocking out country-style tonight.
    That outrageous fiddle, the toe-tapping
    outrageous lady singer and Brother Jeremiah with
    his bass and jaunty
    fresh-brimmed derby.
    You are all outrageously dressed up like
    Depression era folks tonight.
    Except so much
    cleaner.

  • Frog hopping sentiment

    roomward covering
    corners
    carrying photos of tadpoles
    large eyes and feathers and whatnot
    while painting the scene with shades of
    frog
    hopping
    feathers
    sentiment
    burp