We’ve all noticed that many top Hollywood-type stars have sidekicks.
And yet, it’s amazing to me that here in the 21st century, there are still literally dozens of A-listers who wander the streets alone, no shoulder to cry on, no raised hand to high-five. For example: Carrot Top.
I think I’d make a pretty darned good sidekick, and I’d like to take this opportunity to offer my sidekick services at a very reasonable to-be-determined-I’m-sure-we-can-work-something-out price.
Some of the reasons I think I’d make a good sidekick:
1. I have a firm yet unintimidating handshake.
2. I have complete faith in your talent, and I’m prepared to put that in writing.
3. My best side isn’t my right side or my left side, but rather a sort of isometric view — picture me respectfully angled toward you, while you face the cameras. Hunh? Hunh? Nice, hunh?….
Interested top Hollywood-type stars, please contact me at: vortex@mediajunkie.com. And of course, if you’re too busy and would like me to contact me for you, that would be fine too.
Blog
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Sidekick Services Now Available at Competitive Rates
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Who Is Jonathan Coulton?
Coulton’s the creative cohort of John Hodgman (author of The Areas of My Expertise). He’s also borderline irresponsible. Best known for Flickr, a brilliant song/video written around images found on the image sharing site, Coulton’s been putting up a free song a week on his site for, well, a while.
Coulton’s music is a little bit folk-Randy Newman, a little bit TMBG. Sometimes it’s like Dan Fogelberg, only evil. As high quality, representative samples, may I recommend: Millionaire Girlfriend, Chiron Beta Prime, Soft-Rocked by Me, and Re: Your Brains. But really, there’s lots more than that. You can find a big mess of them here.
Probably worth noting that some of these tunes use potty words (specifically: “First of May”), and I haven’t yet played them all myself, so who the hell knows what’s out there…. But what I’ve played so far, I’m sort of stunned by. Four monkeys up!
-Cecil -
Writers Wanted: Wilmot’s Old-Fashioned Mic-less Open Mic
This Saturday night I’ll be hosting an old-fashioned mic-less open mic at a great local bookstore – Wilmot’s in Alameda (478 Central Avenue, Alameda).
Comestibles will be provided courtesy of a fantastic local Italian restaurant: C’era Una Volta. And a bit of the grape will be poured by my favorite local wineshop: Du Vin Fine Wines.
We’ll keep things moving at a brisk yet somehow disturbingly mellow pace, with up to (yet no more than) five minutes per reader – just enough time to give folks a taste and leave them politely requesting more. “But no!” you’ll say – “you’ll have to wait till next month’s Wilmot’s Old-Fashioned Mic-less Open Mic!” That’ll teach ’em.- All manner of prose and poetry welcome.
- Sign up at 7 pm; the words begin to fly at 7:15 pm.
- For directions: 510.865.1443.
- For questions, or to sign up ahead of time: vortex@mediajunkie.com
Should be a fun time and I’d love to see ya there, whether to read or just nibble/drink the food/wine and cheer on the writers/readers.
-Cecil -
night of gold bugs
Gold, polygonal shapes.
Rectangular bars,
hexagonal prisms,
discs,
truncated octahedrons
with soft fuzz edges and
little black legs popping off
their sides.
They were fighting each other
in tar-crackled dirt by a roadside stop.
A few feet over they were bobbing around this pond
the little ones dunking the larger ones
with unnecessary ferocity.
Someone said they must have come from outer space.
A tom-boy of a girl with tough brown hair sat by the pond.
She’d been there for some time
watching them.
“Be careful not to get their eggs on you,” she cautioned,
nodding at my cap-toe Brunori’s.
“Little specks. You don’t want to bring them
back with you
to the city.”
“Maybe we should call someone…?” I said.
“Call who?”
“Call Time,” I said. “Or Newsweek. Get someone to cover these
gold colored alien fighting bugs
before they kill us all.” -
21st century fashion plate
There’s a Kenneth Cole poster outside of Nordstrom’s that shouts out:
“You are on a video camera over 20 times a day. Are you dressed for it?”
Cole is known for its hip, ironic, outrageous statements, all in the name of selling clothes. And hats off for another winner there.
But this one, I think, sort of tips over to the other side. Because we really are that casual about omni-surveillance. People don’t walk by the Cole poster and stop to stare. They just walk by. Or maybe they pause to see what pants they’re wearing.
And there it is, on the streets of San Francisco — one of those futures we were warned about as kids. -
Sand-eyed boy
Scraped knee
so tough
his eyes dry up
when the pants tear through
and a red pearl forms
only sand
drifting out of his eyes.
Swirling crystals enough
to dust
his durable
stegasaurus band-aid. -
The thing that I am after
When I transact toward an espresso
my intent
is to drink
the liquid part.
The cup and plate (and the spoon &c)
would remain the shop’s property.
Really, I just want to make sure
no one’s upset or confused (or surprised &c).
I don’t want to lay down my clink,
then find out too late
that my rights
are limited to
moving the drink around, for example.
Or smelling it. -
The Don Quixote Deathmarch, Week 19
Which relates to the adventure of the enchanted blog, as well as other foolishness that must be recounted. Apologies for the late post this week — real life intruded. I’m still about 65 pages from the finish line my own self — just got through the enchanted head section.
“…this is enough for me to realize, O head, that you know everything.”
In terms of satisying sentences sent forth to us over 4 centuries, really, what more could we ask for than that?
Thanks to all for taking the ‘march, ye many who began, and yes, ye mighty who are wrapping it up. Definitely a book I’m glad I read. And definitely one I wouldn’t have finished without the push. There was a great flurry of comments these last few weeks — much enjoyed and appreciated. And special thanks to So-Called Bill for suggesting DQ in the first place.
Please use this week’s thread to talk freely about the end of the book — those of us still flipping through the last centimeter or so will just tread with caution. And speaking of us stragglers — please do shout out when you wrap, and let me know if mug or magnet be your preference (with apologies to SC Bill for lack of true mugnet ™ technology).
I hope y’all had a good time. We’ll definitely be tackling the new Pynchon in December or January. And if we can find the collective stamina, we may well try a mini Woolf-march in the Fall, with either Mrs. Dalloway or To the Lighthouse.
May your horse be lean and your sidekick full of aphorisms,
-Cecil -
Conservative Pundit Smoothie
I have no idea what this means, but it turns out that if you take 1 part conservative pundit Charles Krauthammer, and blend it with 3 parts conservative pundit Ann Coulter, the result looks suspiciously like Fabio’s hard-living older brother.
conservative pundit Charles Krauthammer
conservative pundit Ann Coulter
conservative super-model/pundit Fabio Krautcoulter?
