My Blog

Blog

  • Ah, yes. Here’s the outrage.

    you: I have to put the cat to sleep.
    me: why?
    you: he’s leaving the dentist’s poop all over the house.
    me: how does he get the dentist’s poop?
    you: I give it to him.
    she: why?
    me: yeah, why?
    you: because he’s bored. he needs something to play with.
    she: but how do you know it’s the dentist’s poop?
    you: I am the dentist.

  • Where’s the outrage?

    Am I the only one
    freaked out by all
    these blind people?
    Taking our jobs — ?
    our women — ?
    our German Sheperds?

  • Burble

    Tonight in his sleep, Sam said:
    “He wants a chocolate Gogurt
    and to fight bad guys.”
    He said it a couple of times.
    Always like that — in the third-person.
    And then he fell back asleep.
    And I say:
    Congratulations!
    Enemies of evil!
    Congratulations!
    Gogurt people!
    International chocolate conspiracy!
    You own part of my child’s brain.

  • Party time

    He wasn’t very smart,
    or very rich,
    or very successful.
    But he was six-foot-three.
    And at parties, he would
    slide up silent
    behind his smarter, richer,
    more successful,
    better-looking friends.
    Head to head.
    Back to back.
    And hang out for a while.

  • x-post: he should ask for a second opinion

    A little shpiel about our wide-eyed President and how he maybe trusts just a little too much, here.

  • Driving around

    He said we're longing for a simpler time
something easy
refreshing
familiar
a malt shop.
    He said the polyester backlash
is still
in progress.

  • x-post: And the hell, and the so-called “Poppins” of it all

    Monkey Vortex Radio Theater is back with an all-new segment: Hell’s a Poppins! Featuring the MVRT script debut of Eileen Dahl and the MVRT acting debut of Heather Gottschalk plus, the inspirational return of Bill “King” Cassel in this, his most challenging role yet. You will believe a boy can fly!
    Note: Although that last part — the part about you? believing a boy can fly? — although it doesn’t really have much to do with Hell’s a Poppins, nonetheless, I think it’s true.
    Which is weird. Of you.
    To believe.
    Such a thing.

  • She played that harp like it was a three-piece band

    Last night I saw
the best argument
for 6 billion of us.
    A musician so talented.
    You don't get one so talented
    if there are 600 of us.
Or 60 million.
    You need really big numbers.
    So maybe that''s why.
    Or at least that's why it's OK sometimes.
    For example:
Last night.

  • Today’s big movie idea:

    A post-apocalyptic romantic comedy.
    You know, like, it’s the big first date
    and he’s all wigged out
    because he doesn’t know if
    the girl’s a girl
    or if she’s
    a flesh-eating zombie.
    Starring Mathew Broderick.
    And introducing: a flesh-eating zombie.

  • Dropping off my daughter on the first day of school

    The hallways smell like paper and scissors and elmer's glue
and parents
roaming around
inspecting the tile
    quietly comparing notes
amid sneaker skid
boom.
    This is America.
We come here from different countries, from different cultures. 
    We speak different languages.
But there are two words we all understand.
    And those words are:
"multipurpose room."