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Blog

  • In the elevator at the Best Western across from Disneyland

    He had a Mickey Mouse hat
    and a Donald Duck shirt
    and a nose that was just
    and a nose that was just
    and a nose that was just
    plain goofy.

  • Slowly

    Just because you turn
    slowly slowly
    to check her out
    slowly
    as she walks past
    doesn’t mean
    that she don’t notice.

  • x-post: MVRT – the money, and the love, and the everybody

    A brand-new episode is now up on ye olde Monkey Vortex Radio Theater: Everybody Loves Money. This four-minute phantastical was first written in Ubby-Dubby and then meticulously translated over to English by Bill “Mr.” Cassel. It features the voice talents of Christian “Mr.” Crumlish, Jeff “Mr.” Green, Bee “Ms.” Nisbet, Jolene “Mr.” Phelps, and Eric “eeeeee-rock!” Stone. But don’t take my word for it — hear for yourself at MVRT.

  • I’m pretty sure this is profound

    So my 3-and-a-half-year-old son is busting kung fu moves in the living room yesterday. And his godfather asks him: “Did you learn that from Jackie Chan?” And my son replies: “No, I learned it from Chuck E. Cheese.”

  • Culturally deprived

    “Snow!” he shouted
    tossing clouds of
    thin, white sand at the beach
    making snowmen
    out of sand
    with their heads
    lying down
    and their arms are wet planks
    and their toes knotted kelp
    and they never melt
    until the sun explodes.

  • A hard laugh

    It was a hard laugh. A cold laugh.
The kind of laugh that savages the funny. 
    It pulls the funny outside.
Stuffs it into the trunk of a
'79 Chevy Impala.
    Takes the funny for a ride.
    It was a hard, joyless laugh.
And it kept on coming.

  • Different

    I must be someone very different to him
than I am to me.
    Maybe I'm some fast-talking jack-ass
some know-it all jerkweed
some high-maintenance poindexter.
    If he saw me in a bar
he would hate me in that bar.
    I hope god doesn't see me through his eyes.

  • x-post: Stack of Mitts up on MVRT

    2 minutes and 17 seconds of all-new audio-fun adventure await you up on MVRT: Stack of Mitts, scripted by Cecil V. and starring Rodney K., M. Smith., and Lisa Bush.
    Stack of Mitts, now playing on Monkey Vortex Radio Theater.

  • Some minor regrets

    I should have gone to the bathroom when I had the chance.
I should have got myself a coffee before the coffee shop closed.
I should have not said that thing that I said.
I should have just let it go.
Let it go.

  • Here’s something

    Here’s something you don’t hear often enough at award shows: “I want to shout out to all my poops.”