{"id":414,"date":"2006-10-11T21:02:18","date_gmt":"2006-10-11T21:02:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/2006\/10\/11\/stalins-sexy-man-apes-sergei\/"},"modified":"2006-10-11T21:02:18","modified_gmt":"2006-10-11T21:02:18","slug":"stalins-sexy-man-apes-sergei","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/2006\/10\/11\/stalins-sexy-man-apes-sergei\/","title":{"rendered":"Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes: Sergei!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday<\/b><\/a> we announced our multi-part world-exclusive inside look at “Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes” — the quartet of part man, part ape creatures that everyone’s been talking about. CIA officials advised me to start by sitting down with Sergei — the oldest and most even-tempered of the four man-apes. With his extensive debriefing complete, Sergei recently relocated to downtown Denver, where he set up house in a stylish duplex with his handler, Nikolai Novikov. I met with Sergei and Nikolai last Monday, over a brunch of waffles, berries, and some kind of small, hard nut.
\nSergei: The Oldest and Most Even-Tempered Man-Ape<\/b>
\n\"sergei_m.jpg\"
\nCV:<\/B> Sergei — thanks so much for taking the time to talk with me.
\nSergei:<\/b> Is great pleasure, Cecil.
\nCV:<\/b> You know, this is CecilVortex.com’s first ever world-exclusive.
\nSergei:<\/b> Da.
\nCV:<\/b> I’m very excited about it.
\nSergei:<\/b> Da. Da.
\nNikolai:<\/b> Cecil, are you OK?
\nCV:<\/b> Oh yeah — I’m fine. Just excited.
\nNikolai:<\/b> You are sweating so much — like Albert Brooks in that movie.
\nSergei:<\/b> Broadcast News.
\nCV:<\/b> I’m OK. It’s just a little warm in here. If we could open a window?
\nSergei:<\/b> Here you go.
\nCV:<\/B> Thanks Sergei. So, can I ask — how do you feel about the label you and your fellow man-apes were given — “Stalin’s Sexy Man Apes”? Is it hard to live up to that billing?
\nSergei:<\/b> No, is easy. I am sexy all the time.
\nCV:<\/B> You know, when I told people I was doing this interview, they all wanted me to ask the same question — whether the ape part of you is a “lesser ape,” from the Hylobatidae family, or a “greater ape” from the Hominidae family.
\nNikolai:<\/b> Cecil, I’m not sure if —
\nSergei:<\/b> [unintelligible grunting noise]
\nCV:<\/B> Well, it’s just that, from what I understand, the “lesser apes” —
\nSergei:<\/b> [louder unintelligible grunting noise]
\nNikolai:<\/b> You really should change the subject.
\nCV:<\/B> OK. Um…
\nNikolai:<\/b> Ask him about TV. He loves to watch TV.
\nCV:<\/B> Sergei, have you been watching much TV?
\nSergei:<\/b> [quieter unintelligible grunting noise] Da.
\nCecil: <\/b> Anything in particular?
\nSergei:<\/b> Well, Sergei love “Project Runway.” The sexy fashion.
\nCecil: <\/b> Oh yeah, me too.
\nSergei:<\/b> Sergei like to see them make dresses out of garbage!
\nCV:<\/B> Do you have a favorite contestant?
\nNikolai:<\/b> I like Uli.
\nSergei:<\/b> Sergei just happy Vincent gone. Vincent make Sergei uncomfortable.
\nCV:<\/b> Well, I think it just goes to show you.
\nNikolai:<\/b> What?
\nCV:<\/b> Whether you’re a man-ape from the former Soviet Union, or a homo sapien from the USA, pretty much everybody thinks Vincent is creepy.
\nSergei:<\/b> Da.
\nNikolai:<\/b> Da.
\nCecil:<\/b> Thanks very much for your time, both of you.
\nSergei:<\/b> Do svidaniya, Cecil.
\nCecil:<\/b> Do svidaniya.
\nTuesday: Ivan<\/a><\/b>!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday we announced our multi-part world-exclusive inside look at “Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes” — the quartet of part man, part ape creatures that everyone’s been talking about. CIA officials advised me to start by sitting down with Sergei — the oldest and most even-tempered of the four man-apes. With his extensive debriefing complete, Sergei recently relocated […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-414","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stalins-sexy-man-apes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/414","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=414"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/414\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=414"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=414"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=414"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}