{"id":424,"date":"2006-10-17T18:12:19","date_gmt":"2006-10-17T18:12:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/2006\/10\/17\/stalins-sexy-man-apes-ivan\/"},"modified":"2006-10-17T18:12:19","modified_gmt":"2006-10-17T18:12:19","slug":"stalins-sexy-man-apes-ivan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/2006\/10\/17\/stalins-sexy-man-apes-ivan\/","title":{"rendered":"Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes: Ivan!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week<\/b><\/a> we proudly launched our exclusive look at Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes — the enigmatic ape\/human hybrids who’ve set tongues a-wagging from Manhattan to Monaco. Our first stop was Denver, for some q-time with Sergei<\/b><\/a>. Next up: Louisville, Kentucky to meet Ivan, widely rumored to be the sexiest of the four Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes. This made me nervous — after all, there’s such a thing as too sexy. But Ivan quickly put me at ease.
\nAt his side was Svetlana Stepanova, a 6 foot 5 platinum blond who’s both Ivan’s handler and his business partner. Shortly after Ivan’s release from the Office of Man-Ape Debriefing, the pair purchase a promising thoroughbred. Now they spend day and night together, training their horse for the Kentucky Derby. It’s a busy life, but they graciously made time to meet me at a cafe down by the track, where we sipped Mint Juleps and talked about horse names.
\nIvan: The Sexiest of the Four ‘Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes’<\/b>
\n\"Ivan_m.jpg\"
\nCV: <\/B> Wow, you really are quite sexy.
\nIvan: <\/b> Yes. Thank you.
\nCV: <\/B> I mean, not just the way you look. Even how you smell.
\nIvan: <\/b> Yes.
\nCV: <\/B> You even, uh, you even smell sexy.
\nIvan: <\/b> You said this already.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> Ha! Does my Ivan leave you flustered?
\nCV: <\/B> No, I, er…
\nSvetlana: <\/b> He does!
\nCV: <\/B> So Ivan, why horses?
\nIvan: <\/b> Well, since was baby man-ape, Ivan dream of going to world-famous “Churchill Downs” for drinking of “Mint Juleps.” Is home. Ivan finally find home.
\nCV: <\/B> Tell me how you chose the name for your horse.
\nIvan: <\/b> Ivan name horsie “Sergei Is Lesser Ape.” At first, was going to name horsie “PS I Love You (Pony).” Or maybe “I Have the Trotskys.” [laughs]
\nSvetlana: <\/b> I wanted “St. Petersburgh Surprise Packet.”
\nIvan: <\/b> Then “Little Ivan, ” he say: “You should name horsie ‘Sergei Is Lesser Ape.'” And I say: “OK! Let’s do it! ” Because Ivan want to show world he can be sexy and<\/i> funny and<\/i> man-ape.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> And you showed them, darling, you showed them all!
\nIvan: <\/b> [roars]
\nSvetlana: <\/b> [roars]
\nCV: <\/b> That’s a great story.
\nIvan: <\/b> Thank you.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> [roars]
\nIvan: <\/b> “Little Ivan” is funny man-ape too. Just not so sexy. You meet him, yes?
\nCV: <\/b> Later this week.
\nIvan: <\/b> You will see. Not so sexy.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> Not half as sexy as my Ivan.
\nCV: <\/B> Svetlana, I’ve been meaning to ask —
\nSvetlana: <\/b> What?
\nCV: <\/B> Well, it’s just, you two seem pretty close. For a human and a man-ape.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> You’re not judging us are you? Don’t judge us.
\nIvan: <\/b> Cecil, are you judging?
\nCV: <\/B> I’m not judging. I was just asking.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> You know what, darling? I think Cecil likes<\/i> you.
\nCV: <\/B> I don’t.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> I think he’s jealous.
\nCV: <\/B> I’m not.
\nIvan: <\/b> Look — you are right! He is blushing like some kind of red veg-e-table!
\nSvetlana: <\/B> Like a tomato!
\nIvan: <\/b> Sorry blog-man. You are not my type! [laughs]
\nSvetlana: <\/B> Are you OK Cecil? Do you need a paper towel?
\nCV: <\/B> I’m fine. I just sweat a lot.
\nIvan: <\/b> Your whole head is wet all of sudden.
\nSvetlana: <\/b> Have you talked to a doctor?
\nIvan: <\/b> Ivan get paper towel.
\nCV: <\/B> OK. Well, thanks so much to both of you for your time.
\nNext: Dmitri!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week we proudly launched our exclusive look at Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes — the enigmatic ape\/human hybrids who’ve set tongues a-wagging from Manhattan to Monaco. Our first stop was Denver, for some q-time with Sergei. Next up: Louisville, Kentucky to meet Ivan, widely rumored to be the sexiest of the four Stalin’s Sexy Man-Apes. This […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stalins-sexy-man-apes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=424"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/424\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/capellman.com\/cecil1215b\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}