Travel Tip

Here’s a travel tip that works for me and might work great for you too!
When I’m away from home, sometimes I’ll see somebody on a cab line or in the hotel lobby who looks like my friend Dave. And I’ll go up to them and I’ll say: “Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.” And they’ll say something like, “I’m sorry, you’ve mistaken me for somebody else.” And I’ll say: “Dave.” And they’ll say, “Can you step back a few feet? You’re standing too close to me.”
And I’ll keep saying: “Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave.” until eventually, through force of will, I cause them to transmute at the molecular level into my friend Dave. With Dave’s scruffy beard. Dave’s John Lennon glasses.
“Dave!” I’ll say. “Yes, I am Dave,” they’ll say. Dave!

Comments

8 responses to “Travel Tip”

  1. itto ogami Avatar
    itto ogami

    there is medication for that, among other things.
    disclaimer: side effects include vomiting, nausea, IBS, warts, typhoid, rickets, ingrown toenails, rapid ear hair growth, teeth acne, evil possession, conversion to scientology, and nipple dryness.
    i love tv drug disclaimers.

  2. imaginary friend Avatar
    imaginary friend

    i miss him too, but cecil, shoehorning yourself into someone else’s personal space and transmuting?? it must stop. you know why? ’cause dave–no, look into my eyes now–dave. wouldn’t. like. it.

  3. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Big poncho Dave? “There is always time to come to be” Dave? Or another one?

  4. Cecil Vortex Avatar
    Cecil Vortex

    Laura: I was thinking more of a sort of composite of all the Dave’s I’ve known before.
    Also: your memory is metallic! (for other folks just to put this in perspective: Big poncho Dave is someone I haven’t seen since 1989. I did write a poem about him tho, buried somewhere on this very site.)

  5. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Yes–I remember things that happened twenty years ago with remarkable dexterity, while I can’t recall things that happened twenty days ago. I am exquisitely suited to live in the world of 1989. Or better yet, 1979. Now if I could match that with a career…

  6. Cecil Vortex Avatar
    Cecil Vortex

    1979. Now that was a year. The year my family moved back from Holland to the States.
    1979!
    -Cecil

  7. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    1979. The best year in popular music. Arguably.

  8. Cecil Vortex Avatar
    Cecil Vortex

    1979: How innocent I was then! They hadn’t even selected my haftorah portion yet!
    -Cecil

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *